Member-only story
Why Not Going to Church Doesn’t Make You Any Less Christian
Reimagining Church Beyond the Walls That Have Wounded Us
Occasionally, I bump into an old “friend” that I used to go to church with.
They smile warmly, ask how the family is doing, maybe mention how fast the kids are growing up — and then, right on cue, comes the question:
“So… are you still going to church anywhere?”
I smile back and say, “Not at the moment.”
Short pause.
“But I’m still a Christian.”
And that’s when it happens.
Their smile stays frozen in place, but behind the eyes, I can see it: their brain is buffering like I’ve just said something that doesn’t compute. You can almost hear the internal modem screeching.
Because in a lot of Christian circles, loving Jesus without being actively plugged into a church institution is like trying to run software on the wrong operating system. It’s like saying you're married, but you don't live with your spouse. There’s no category for it. No script. Just a slow, awkward system crash.
Eventually, they recover — usually with a concerned nod and a gentle, “Well, I’ll be praying for you.” (Translation: Good luck out there, heretic!)
Because beneath their polite concern are a few quiet assumptions.
First, that church attendance and Christian faith are the same thing. Second, stepping away from the institution must mean you’re spiritually lost, backslidden, or “deconstructing” your way straight into the bowels of Hell. And third — maybe the most troubling — that the church is the only reliable way God speaks, moves, or reaches people.
It’s not that they’re being malicious. It’s just what they’ve been taught. The equation is simple:
Jesus = Church
Church = Institution
Therefore, no church = no Jesus.
So when I say I’m still a Christian — even after stepping outside the institution — it short-circuits the whole formula. And rather than rethink the formula, it’s easier for them to just question me.
