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Faith or Gaslighting? When Christian Advice Undermines Your Pain
The Spiritual Advice That Leaves People Feeling Worse, Not Better
A few months into my wife’s cancer treatment, I ran into an old friend from church while picking up some groceries. I hadn’t seen him in years, but we used to serve together — back when I was still immersed in the evangelical church world.
He smiled and said, “Dan! It’s been ages. How are you, mate?”
I could have given the standard “Yeah, doing alright.” Instead, I hesitated. Maybe it was the exhaustion, maybe it was the way he asked, but I found myself telling him the truth.
I told him about my wife’s diagnosis. About how I was barely holding everything together. About how hard it was to keep praying when every day felt like waiting for another punch to land. I admitted that I didn’t know what to do with the silence — the kind where you keep asking God for something, and all you get is nothing.
His smile didn’t fade. If anything, it got softer, like he was about to tell me something really profound.
“God must have big plans for you if the devil is attacking you like this.”
I stared at him.
“What?”
